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夜間のリハパンを拒絶する父親と介護できない母親の話

 そもそも「介護」とは何か?

こみちは現場経験を積み、国家試験に合格した介護福祉士の有資格者です。

資格試験はいろいろあり、試験の難易度だけを比較すると介護福祉士の試験はしっかりと準備すればほぼ合格できるくらいの難しさです。

「難しくない」=「誰にでも取れる」「有資格者に価値がない」と考えるのは、少し軽率です。

介護福祉士の一番難しいことは、「現場で3年以上働く」と言う、自身の時間と引き換えに得られる受験資格をクリアすることだからです。

頭がいい人なら、もしかすると半日も勉強しないで合格点以上が取れるかもしれません。

でも言ったように、雨の日も風の日も、施設に足を運んで利用者の世話を3年以上続けることは楽しくもあり、苦労もある時間です。

ではなぜ介護福祉士の受験資格に実務経験を課しているのでしょうか。

その理由はこうだと思います。

介護福祉士の担う業務は、主に生活に密接した行為です。

誰もが当たり前にしている食事や運動、お風呂や歯磨き、そしてトイレなど、どれもが日常的に行われるものです。

ただ重要なのは、「できること」ではなく、「どうしてできるのか」を知識に加えて経験としても学ぶことにあります。

なぜなら、「トイレを上手く使えず失敗してしまう」と言う状況で、「なんで失敗するの!こんな簡単なことで!」と言ってしまえば、介護にはなりません。

できない状況をどうフォローし、できるようにするか、できないなら他にどんな手段があるのかを考え実行することが介護です。

介護福祉士以外にも、介護系の資格には初任者研修や実務者研修があり、介護福祉士の後にはケアマネジャーの資格も目指せます。

初任者研修や実務者研修には、実務経験など必要なく、期間が異なりますが「介護技術や知識」を系統に従って学ぶことになります。

そして、その知識や技術を使い、現場での経験を加えて介護福祉士になるのです。

さらに言えば、そこからさらに5年の経験を経てケアマネジャーの受験ができるのですが、現場での振る舞いをベースに利用者それぞれの介護計画(ケアプラン)を作ることができるようになります。

と言うのも、介護は日常生活に密接していますが、一方で医療や機能回復などとも密接で、医師や看護師、理学療法士や社会福祉士など、いろいろな立場から介護に携わる専門家からも意見をもらい介護計画を立てなければいけません。

「〇〇させて欲しい」と言われても、それをそのまま計画書に書いても上手く機能しないので、介護現場でどう組み込むかを変換し、現場スタッフが理解できる作業に書き換えなければいけません。

そのためには現場経験がないとできないので、未経験でケアマネジャーには慣れませんし、介護福祉士になってから5年と言う期間が受験資格になっているのです。

なぜ父親はリハパンを拒むのか?

例えば現実にお漏らししてしまうとして、「お漏らしするからオムツね」と言われて、すぐに「分かりました」と現実を受け止められるでしょうか。

実際に介護現場でもオムツを使い始めたばかりの利用者は、「トイレに行きたい」と言います。

まだ経験が浅かった頃、本当にトイレに連れて行って、そこでオムツを脱がせて用を済ませました。

しかし、それを見ていた先輩に呼び出され、なんでトイレに連れて行ったのかと聞かれ、結果的に「オムツを使うこと」が介護計画に沿った介護だと言われたのです。

もちろん、理想的な介護ならこみちの行いが絶対にダメだとは今も思いません。

尿意を訴える意識は、その方の自尊心や生き方にも繋がるので、尊重されるべきことだからです。

しかし、現実的なことを言えば、もしもその方をトイレに誘導し、途中で転倒などで骨折、さらに入院や歩行レベルの低下が発生したら、介護スタッフにも過失責任が問われる可能性も否定できません。

もしも本当にトイレ誘導したいなら、現場の管理スタッフやケアマネジャーに相談し、立位や歩行など、「トイレに行きたい」を実現させる条件を再度検討しなければいけないからです。

つまり、「オムツで対処する」と計画書に書かれた背景は、それにまつわる様々な条件と照らした結果で、「トイレに行きたい」と言われて「じゃあ、行こう」と言う応対ではありません。

一方で、在宅介護の場合、介護計画が立てられる訳ではないので、その場での判断になることもたくさんあります。

父親がどんな理由でリハパンを拒むのかは置いておいて、実際に履かずに寝れば布団まで濡れてしまい、朝から大騒動になるかもしれません。

毎日それを家族が負担し続けるのも困難過ぎるので、結果的に夜間はリハパンを使って欲しいと言う選択が浮かびます。

しかし、リハパンを履く自分が少し惨めに思うと、やはり履きたくないと言うでしょう。

そして朝になってお漏らししていて「なんでお漏らしするの!」と事実を指摘してもそれは介護ではありません。

履かないことで、朝の貴重な時間が何時間も無駄になってしまう。

一緒に手伝ってくれるなら履かなくてもいいけれど、「それが嫌ならリハパンを履いて」と言う家族の苦痛も分かち合ってもらうしかないのです。

それこそ自立した大人なら、全ての選択が自由ですが、失敗も自己責任です。

しかし、介護を必要になる高齢者の場合、できなくなったことをまだ上手く受け止められず、できないのにその対策もせずにどんどん生活苦になってしまうことも少なくありません。

母親の場合、老いていく父親を受け止められていなくて、「なんで失敗するの」を毎朝繰り返しています。

「そうじゃなくて、どう対処するかなんだよ」と言われても、母親には何を考えることが求められているのかピンと来ないのです。

つまり、「自分はできる」でも「なぜできているか、失敗する原因がどこか」と言う介護の基本が理解できていません。

特に母親の場合、自分の価値観で判断しやすく、他人の立場で考えることができないタイプの人間なので、嫌なことも平気でしてくれる反面、些細なことでもやり方やルールを変えることができないのです。



What Is “Caregiving” in the First Place?


Komichi is a certified care worker (Certified Care Worker / Kaigo Fukushishi) who has accumulated hands-on experience in the field and passed the national examination.


There are various certification exams, and if you compare them purely by difficulty, the Care Worker national exam is not extremely hard—if you prepare properly, it is generally an exam you can pass.

However, to think that “not difficult” means “anyone can get it” or that “the qualification has no value” is a bit careless.


The most difficult part of becoming a certified care worker is meeting the eligibility requirement of “working in the field for at least three years,” which you obtain in exchange for a significant amount of your own time.

Someone who is academically gifted might be able to score well above the passing line with barely half a day of studying.


But as I said, continuing to go to a facility and care for users for over three years—rain or shine—is a period that is both rewarding and full of hardship.


So why is hands-on work experience required as a qualification to take the care worker exam?

I believe the reason is this.


The work performed by certified care workers consists mainly of actions that are closely tied to daily life.

Eating, exercising, bathing, brushing one’s teeth, and using the toilet—these are all everyday activities that everyone normally takes for granted.


What matters, however, is not just “being able to do them,” but learning, both through knowledge and experience, why they can be done.


Because if someone fails at using the toilet properly and you say, “Why can’t you do something this simple?” that is not caregiving.


Caregiving means thinking about how to support someone in a situation where they cannot do something, how to help them become able to do it, or—if they truly cannot—what other options are available, and then actually putting those ideas into practice.


In addition to the certified care worker qualification, there are other caregiving-related certifications such as the Initial Care Worker Training and the Practical Care Worker Training. After becoming a certified care worker, one can also aim to obtain the Care Manager (Care Manager / Kaigo Shien Senmon-in) qualification.


The initial and practical training programs do not require work experience. While their durations differ, they involve systematically learning caregiving skills and knowledge.

Then, by applying that knowledge and skill in the field and adding real-world experience, one becomes a certified care worker.


Furthermore, after an additional five years of experience, one becomes eligible to take the care manager exam. At that point, one is able to create individualized care plans based on actual behavior and realities observed in the field.


This is because caregiving is closely tied to daily life, but at the same time it is also deeply connected to medical care and functional rehabilitation. Care plans must be created while incorporating opinions from professionals in various roles—doctors, nurses, physical therapists, social workers, and others involved in care.


Even if a user says, “I want you to let me do ○○,” simply writing that request into the care plan will not work effectively. It must be translated into something that can realistically be incorporated into the caregiving setting and rewritten as tasks that on-site staff can understand and carry out.


This cannot be done without field experience. That is why someone with no experience cannot become a care manager, and why the requirement is five years after becoming a certified care worker.




Why Does My Father Refuse to Wear Rehabilitation Pants?


For example, if someone actually wets themselves and is told, “You wet yourself, so you’ll need to wear diapers,” would you really be able to immediately accept that reality and say, “I understand”?


In actual caregiving settings, users who have just started using diapers often say, “I want to go to the toilet.”

When I was still inexperienced, I took them at their word, brought them to the toilet, removed the diaper, and helped them relieve themselves there.


However, a senior staff member who saw this later called me aside and asked why I had taken them to the toilet. In the end, I was told that “using diapers” was the care aligned with the care plan.


Of course, even now I don’t think my actions were absolutely wrong from the perspective of ideal caregiving.

The awareness of needing to urinate is tied to a person’s dignity and way of living, and should be respected.


That said, realistically speaking, if I guided the person to the toilet and they fell on the way, suffered a fracture, were hospitalized, or experienced a decline in walking ability, it cannot be denied that caregiving staff might be held responsible.


If we truly want to guide someone to the toilet, we must consult with supervisory staff or the care manager and reassess the conditions—such as standing ability and walking ability—that would make “going to the toilet” feasible.


In other words, the background behind writing “manage with diapers” in the care plan is the result of weighing various related conditions. It is not a simple response of “You want to go? Okay, let’s go.”


On the other hand, in home care, there often is no formal care plan, so decisions must frequently be made on the spot.


Setting aside the reason why my father refuses to wear rehabilitation pants, if he sleeps without them and wets himself, the bedding will also get soaked, and the morning may turn into a major ordeal.


It is far too difficult for the family to shoulder that burden every single day, so the option of asking him to wear rehabilitation pants at night naturally comes up.


However, if he feels miserable wearing them, he will still say that he doesn’t want to.

And even if he wets himself by morning, pointing out the fact by saying, “Why did you wet yourself?” is not caregiving.


By not wearing them, hours of precious morning time are wasted.

If he is willing to help deal with the aftermath together, then not wearing them might be acceptable—but if not, he has to share in the family’s suffering and accept the request: “Then please wear the rehabilitation pants.”


A fully independent adult is free to make all their own choices—but failures are also their own responsibility.

However, in the case of elderly people who require care, it is not uncommon for them to be unable to fully accept what they can no longer do, and without taking countermeasures, their daily life gradually becomes more difficult.


In my mother’s case, she has not been able to accept my father’s aging, and she repeats “Why do you keep failing?” every morning.

Even when told, “That’s not the point—it’s about how to deal with it,” she cannot quite grasp what she is being asked to think about.


In other words, she understands “I can do it,” but does not understand the basics of caregiving: why something is possible, or where the causes of failure lie.


Especially in my mother’s case, she is the type of person who easily judges things based on her own values and cannot think from another person’s perspective. As a result, she may do unpleasant things without hesitation, yet at the same time she is unable to change her methods or rules—even over the smallest details.


成功者ではないこみちが考える「成功者」への道

 「成功」は努力かそれとも運か?

話を分かりやすくするために「成功」とは「100」だと定義します。

するとある人が事業を立ち上げたら、何も意図せずに「100」だったとしましょう。

もちろんそのビジネスは成功し、その人は見事に成功者と呼ばれるはずです。

ではその人に「どうすれば成功者になれますか?」と訊ねたら、きっとその時の頃を思い出してあれこれと理由を挙げるかもしれません。

でも実はそこがポイントで、一年後、又は別のタイミングだったら、その方法で成功していたかは誰にもわかりません。

なぜなら、その人が成功したのは、その時のタイミングや順番、全てが意図せずに「100」だったからです。

別の話で、父親や母親が会社を経営していると、子どもは知らず知らずのうちに事業はこんな風に行うものと肌で感じます。つまり、「100」ではないにしても「95〜105」くらいの雰囲気を覚えているのです。

一方で親がサラリーマンだったら、「仕事は担当する業務を行うこと」とは思っても、事業がどんな物かは肌感覚では分かりません。

なので、時には「1」になったりやり過ぎて「1000」になったり、なかなか「100」が掴めないのです。

こみち自身も一時期資格取得をキッカケに事業化を目論んだことがあります。

ですが結論(経験談)と言ってしまうと資格だけでは「100」なのかどうかは全く判別できません。

もっと言えば、それだけではスコアを知ることにもならない段階です。

だからよく耳にする「成功者のマネをしろ」や「成功者の近くで学べ」は、成功者(100)がどんな存在なのかを肌で覚えることで、自分との違いに早く気づけることを指しているのでしょう。

言い換えれば、成功者になる準備よりも、成功者を知ることから始めた方が結果になりやすいということでしょう。

つまり、成功が努力か運かという話で、成功者はきっと自分は努力したと感じていて、人が寝ている時も頑張った結果だと思うはずです。

それも嘘ではなくて、それを努力と言うなら、成功を掴むのは努力です。

一方で、努力して数値を上げることだけを目指してしまうと、100を超えて10000になっても成功しないことがあります。

確かに凄いのに事業としては成功しないパターンです。

なぜ自分は成功できないのか。十分に頑張っているのにと。

でも成功するには努力することそのものが大切なのですはなく、「100」に近づけることなのです。

このことに気付かずに努力だけしても、有能な技術者ではありますが、有能な経営者ではありません。

例えばこれから成功者を目指すなら

大企業の素晴らしい事業から学んでもあまり意味がありません。

なぜなら、そんな環境を自身の財力ですぐに真似ることができないからです。

つまり事業規模がコンパクトで、自分でも頑張れば真似られる成功者を探すことが大切だと言うこと。

仮にそのままを完コピしないとしても、成功者を知ることで、「100」に近い感覚に近づけると思うのです。

よくターゲットをどこに置くかという話があって、一つのニュースでも相手によっては伝え方が分かるはずです。

つまり学んだ技術や知識がそのまま事業化になるのではなくて、ターゲットに向けた加工が適切でなければいけません。それこそが「100」に近づくポイントです。

思えばこみち自身も思うように行かないと悩んでいますが、もしかすると「努力」いることに酔っていたのかもしれません。

「これは誰に向けたものか?」そんな意識を持つことで、「100」がどんな存在かに近づけるように思います。


英語版もあるよ!

Is “success” the result of effort, or is it luck?


To make things easier to understand, let’s define “success” as “100.”

Now imagine that someone starts a business and, without any particular intention, it turns out to be exactly “100.”

Of course, that business succeeds, and that person is rightly called a successful entrepreneur.


If you were to ask that person, “How can I become successful?”, they would probably look back on that time and list various reasons and explanations.

But that’s actually the key point. If it had been a year later, or at a different timing altogether, no one knows whether those same methods would have led to success.


That’s because the reason they succeeded was that, at that particular moment, the timing, the order of events—everything—just happened to align as “100,” unintentionally.


Let’s talk about something else.

When a child grows up with a father or mother who runs a company, the child naturally absorbs, almost unconsciously, what running a business feels like. In other words, even if it’s not exactly “100,” they internalize a sense of something like “95 to 105.”


On the other hand, if one’s parents are salaried employees, the child may think of work as “doing the tasks you’re assigned,” but they won’t really grasp what a business feels like at a gut level.

As a result, they might sometimes end up at “1,” or overshoot and hit “1000,” and struggle to ever find “100.”


Komichi himself once tried to turn something into a business after obtaining a qualification.

But to jump straight to the conclusion (based on experience), you can’t tell at all whether something is “100” based on qualifications alone.

To put it more bluntly, at that stage you’re not even in a position to know the score.


That’s probably why we so often hear things like “imitate successful people” or “learn close to successful people.”

It’s about getting a visceral sense of what a successful person—what “100”—actually is, so you can quickly notice the differences between them and yourself.


In other words, rather than preparing to become successful, starting by understanding successful people tends to produce results more easily.


So when we ask whether success comes from effort or luck, successful people will surely feel that they succeeded because they worked hard—because they kept going while others slept.

That isn’t a lie. If you call that effort, then yes, success is achieved through effort.


However, if your only goal is to raise numbers through effort, you can sometimes exceed 100 and even reach 10,000 and still not succeed.

It’s the pattern where something is undeniably impressive, yet fails as a business.


You may wonder, “Why can’t I succeed? I’m working hard enough.”

But what matters for success isn’t effort itself—it’s getting closer to “100.”


If you keep working hard without realizing this, you may become a highly capable technician, but not a capable manager.


For example, if you’re aiming to become successful from now on,

there’s not much point in learning from the amazing businesses of large corporations.

That’s because you can’t realistically replicate those environments with your own financial resources.


What matters is finding successful people whose businesses are compact enough that, if you really tried, you could imitate them.

Even if you don’t copy them perfectly, just knowing successful people helps you move closer to the feeling of “100.”


People often talk about where to place your target audience. Even with the same piece of news, the way you communicate it should change depending on who you’re speaking to.


In other words, learned skills and knowledge don’t automatically turn into a business—they have to be properly tailored to the target. That is exactly the point where you get closer to “100.”


Looking back, Komichi himself struggles when things don’t go as planned, but perhaps he was intoxicated with the idea of “making an effort” itself.

By keeping the question “Who is this for?” in mind, it feels like you can get closer to understanding what “100” really is.


なぜ日本人は無宗教でも生きられるのか?

 予めの約束

ここでは、「宗教」そのものを否定する場ではありません。

そう言う意味ではなく、自分自身が今後どう生きて行けばいいのかという自問に答えるプロセスとして、生きる価値や目的、目標を世界ではどんな風に導いたのかという意味で「宗教」というワードを借りただけです。

もしも世界中の人が光速で回り続けたら

世界まで話を大きくしなくても、私たちの身近なトラブルって、ちょっとしたペースの違いから生まれていないでしょうか?

例えば、ある人のテンポが別のある人には合わなくて、それでどちらかが「何で?」と不思議に感じるようなことがトラブルになると想像しました。

つまり、全ての人が常に光速で回り続けたら、ぶつかることもありませんし、考えられる最も速い速度で処理し続けることができて、トラブルも起こらないはずです。

しかし、どんな人でも生まれた時と成人した時、さらに社会経験を重ねた中高年になった時、それらを比べても物事への理解や処理が変化しているでしょう。

つまり人は変化する生き物で、光速で常に動き続けるような仮想世界には行き着くことができません。

ここで言う「宗教」の役割

例えばある「宗教」が「人間は時速15キロの速度で走るものだ」と説いたとします。

20代30代の男性であれば、時速15キロの速さで走れるでしょう。しかし、時速15キロで走れない子どもや高齢者もいるはずで、そう考えるとその宗教が説く「時速15キロ」は理解できるけれど実際に実践するのには難があると分かります。

では誰にでもできるであろう「時速1キロ」としたら、どうなるでしょうか。

確かに多くの人がそのスピードを維持できるかもしれません。しかし、簡単に感じれば逆に物足りなさも感じ、不思議とその教えを守る意識が薄れます。

つまり、「程よく頑張ればできそうなくらい」であることがとても重要で、万人に受け入れられるには具体的な数字よりも心の持ち様を説く内容が好ましいことになります。

「1日、一回は良いことをしよう!」

そこで、「良いこと」とは何かを厳密に解釈し過ぎると、さっきの様に簡単に感じたりやっぱりできない人も出てしまうので、「良心」の様な定められている様で定められてはいない丁度いい感じが大切です。

思うに日本人が海外の方々の様に、特定の宗教を信仰しない理由があるとするなら、私たちは「おてんとさまが見ているよ」という曖昧だけど自身を問うような言葉を教えられて来たからではないかと思います。

「他人が見ている」とか「それで良いのか考えろ」ではなく、「お天道様」なのです。

だから日本人は「自分が思うにこれなら悪くないんじゃないか?」を自分自身で問いながら考える習慣を身につけているのでしょう。

「人様の迷惑になるな」

具体的に何をしてはいけないではなく、他人(自分が相手の立場になって)がどう感じるかを想像して自分の言動が迷惑になっていないかを考えてみるということは、成長しても変わらずに使えるフレーズなのです。

「全ての物には神様がいる」という古くから伝わる教えも、「ものを大切に」とは少しだけニュアンスが違って、ポイントは「その相手はどう思うかなぁ?」という自分だけの価値観ではなく、相手を想う気持ちが日本人っぽさではないかと思います。

簡単ですか、こんな風に思いました。

無宗教というと信仰が無いと思われがちですが、そうではなくて「他人を想う気持ち」や「それで良いのだろうか」と自問する気持ちはちゃんと教えられて育ったんですね。

こみちが父親に言われてよく覚えているのは「母親を泣かせるな」でした。

どうすれば泣くかではなく、どうすれば泣かせない生き方かになるか自分なりに考えることに意味があるんですよね。


今日は英語版もあるよ!

A Preliminary Promise


This is not a place to deny the existence or value of "religion" itself.

Rather, I am simply using the word "religion" as a vehicle to explore the process of answering that internal question: "How should I live my life from now on?" I want to look at how the world has derived meaning, purpose, and goals for living.


If Everyone in the World Kept Spinning at the Speed of Light


Without broadening the scope to the entire world, don't our everyday troubles often stem from a slight difference in pace?


For example, one person's tempo might not mesh with another's, leading someone to wonder, "Why are they like that?" I imagined that if everyone were constantly spinning at the speed of light, we would never collide; we would process everything at the maximum possible speed, and no trouble would ever occur.


However, humans are different when they are born, when they become adults, and when they reach middle age with accumulated social experience. Our understanding and processing of things change over time. Humans are inherently changing beings, and we can never reach a hypothetical world where we move constantly at the speed of light.


The Role of "Religion" in This Context


Suppose a certain "religion" preached that "humans should run at 15 kilometers per hour."

A man in his 20s or 30s could likely maintain that speed. However, there are children and elderly people who cannot. In that sense, while we can understand the doctrine of "15 km/h," we realize it is difficult to put into practice universally.


What if we set it at "1 km/h," something anyone could do?

While many could maintain that speed, its very ease might lead to a sense of dissatisfaction. Strangely, the motivation to follow the teaching would fade.


In other words, it is crucial that a goal feels like something you can achieve with a "moderate amount of effort." For a teaching to be universally accepted, it is better to preach a state of mind rather than specific, rigid numbers.


"Do One Good Deed a Day!"


If we interpret "a good deed" too strictly, we run into the same problem: some will find it too easy, while others will find it impossible. That is why a "just right" feeling—something like "conscience," which feels defined yet flexible—is vital.


I believe the reason Japanese people often do not follow a specific religion like people overseas do is because we have been taught phrases like "Oten-to-sama ga miteiru yo" (The Sun/God is watching you). It is an ambiguous phrase, yet one that forces you to question yourself.


It isn't "other people are watching" or "think about whether that’s right"; it is "The Sun."

Because of this, Japanese people have developed the habit of asking themselves, "In my own judgment, is this acceptable?"


"Don't Become a Nuisance to Others"


Instead of listing specific things you must not do, the phrase "Don't be a nuisance to others" asks you to imagine how another person would feel by putting yourself in their shoes. This is a phrase that remains relevant regardless of how much you grow or age.


The ancient teaching that "God resides in all things" (animism) has a slightly different nuance than simply "take care of things." The point is not just your own values, but considering how the other party feels. I believe this consideration for others is a quintessentially Japanese trait.


Final Thoughts


While "non-religious" is often interpreted as having no faith, that isn't quite right. We were raised being taught the importance of "thinking of others" and the habit of self-reflection—asking ourselves, "Is this truly okay?"


One thing I vividly remember my father telling me was: "Don't make your mother cry."

The meaning isn't in a list of actions that might make her cry; the meaning lies in figuring out for myself how to live a life that doesn't cause her sorrow.




【Footnote】


Cultural Notes: Understanding the Japanese Spirit


To help international readers grasp the deeper nuances of this essay, here are two key concepts that shape the Japanese worldview:


1. Oten-to-sama (The Sun / The Eye of Heaven)


In the West, morality is often tied to a specific religious doctrine or a personal relationship with God. In Japan, the concept of "Oten-to-sama" represents a more naturalistic, omnipresent gaze. It is not a deity that punishes, but rather the idea that "the universe is watching, even when people are not." This fosters a sense of self-directed integrity. You act rightly not because of a commandment, but because you do not want to feel ashamed before the natural order of the world.


2. Meiwaku (Nuance of "Nuisance")


While "nuisance" in English can sometimes sound like a minor annoyance, the Japanese concept of "Meiwaku" is central to social harmony. To "not cause meiwaku" means to be hyper-aware of the space and energy you occupy. It is rooted in empathy (Omoiyari)—the constant practice of imagining oneself in another’s position. It is less about following rules and more about a voluntary refinement of one’s behavior to ensure the comfort of the collective.